Gone and Back
by JohnnyOctober27
Summary: Katherine Beckett is a woman of mystery. She was a mystery that Richard Castle has tried to solve for four years. He almost succeeded once. That was before he heard her. Before he knew she remembered.
1. Chapter 1

Kathryn Beckett is a woman of mystery. She was a mystery that Richard Castle has tried to solve for four years. He almost succeeded once. That was before he heard her. Before he knew she remembered.

He sat staring at picture of the woman he loved. It was a beautiful picture. She was smiling that secret smile she had just for him and her eyes were twinkling. It had been taken the day they were almost eaten by the tiger. That day had been full of promises of the future. _Empty promises,_ he thought bitterly. He swirled his glass of liquid fire.

"Richard, darling. What did I tell you? You can't turn off love. There's no switch. You need time away from her."

"I know mother. I just-"

"Dad. We need to talk." Alexis Castle interrupted her father's reply.

"Okay sweetie." He said, giving a pointed look to his mother.

"I know how to take a hint. I'm leaving for the studio. Call me if you need anything.

"We won't." Alexis and Castle said in unison. Martha chuckled at the pair of them. With a dramatic wave, Martha exited the loft.

Rick turned to his daughter.

"What is it?"

"What's wrong? You don't have that usual flair that my dad had. Where is he? Wait. Are you on a case for the CIA? Searching for a war criminal?" she gasped audibly. "Oh my gosh its Joseph Kony isn't it?"

He chuckled at his daughter's theories, so much like his own.

"Its Beckett…" he trailed off, noticing the iciness in his daughter's eyes at the mention of the detective.

"What did she do Dad?" she asked tightly.

"She remembered." It took a moment for his words to sink in. her eyes widened.

"Oh." Her phone vibrated. "It's Lanie…" he waved his hand.

"Go." She scurried out of the room. He sighed and looked at the picture. _God she's beautiful._


	2. Chapter 2

Alexis rushed to the Medical Examiner's office, A.K.A. the basement of the precinct. Dr. Lanie Parish was an animated discussion with a body. Lanie looked up and smiled.

"Hey girl. I didn't expect you to come in today."

"I need you to cover for me. Tell my dad I was here all day if he asks." Lanie frowned.

"What's this about Alexis?"

"Is Detective Beckett in today?"

"Yes she's always here. She has no life. Seriously, it's unhealthy, the way she lives. Skirting around her feelings for Writer Boy. You know, it doesn't help that he's been an ignorant jack ass lately." She rambled on about Beckett's love life, but Alexis didn't hear. Lanie had her at 'skirting around her feelings for Writer Boy'.

"How does she feel about him?" Alexis asked the M.E. cautiously.

"isn't it obvious? She's head over heels in love with him. She's so scared that he only told her that he loved her because she was dying. So she's been slowly letting him in, testing the waters. She wants to tell him she remembers so bad, she just doesn't know how." She said all of this so nonchalantly it was almost comical. She had forgotten Alexis was there. She shook her head. "Poor girl." She muttered. She looked up and focused on Alexis. She got an 'oh shit' look on her face.

"Alexis. Hi. I forgot you were there."

"Yeah, well, is it true?"

Lanie looked around as though looking for eavesdroppers. "You tell anyone you heard this from me and I will make your murder look like an accident."

Alexis nodded furiously. "Understood."

"It's all true." Alexis stared at her for a moment then ran out of the morgue. A few seconds later she ran back in and threw her arms around Lanie's neck. "Thank you." She whispered and ran out.

Lanie shook her head and smiled. "She's a Castle alright."


	3. Chapter 3

"Detective Beckett?" Alexis asked cautiously. Kate looked up at her, looking miserable. She was pale and her eyes had lost their usual spark.

"Alexis. Hi. What's up?"

"Can we talk? Somewhere private?"

Kate frowned. "Sure. The break room. Why?" Alexis dragged her into the room and shut the door.

"Alexis. What's this about?"

Alexis paused, not meeting Beckett's eyes. Finally, she took a deep breath and looked Beckett straight in the eye. "You lied. And he knows. He's broken, Detective, and you're the only one who can fix him. He's sitting in his study trying to drink himself into oblivion. Last night he _cried_ himself to sleep. Look. I don't blame you. But he does and…" she trailed off and shook her head sadly, tears in her eyes. Beckett put her hand on the young girl's arm to comfort her. Alexis pulled away slightly and Beckett pulled her into a hug.

"How much did Lanie tell you?" she asked the girl quietly.

"I told her everything. It was an accident but she deserves to know. _He_ deserves to know." Lanie stood with her hands on her hips. Beckett bit her lip and looked at the floor, feeling very insecure.

"What if it's too late?" Alexis shook her head and turned her so she was looking the detective in the eye again.

"It's not. I promise. He's just so…I don't even know. Look. You love him and he loves you. How complicated is that?"

"That's what I've been asking her for years."

"Hush." The detective snapped. She focused on Alexis. "Where is he again?"

"His study." Kate ran and grabbed her coat.

"Lanie? Don't wait up." She winked. Lanie shook her head and looked at Alexis. This better turn out good or I am having your head.

"Get in line." Alexis muttered.


	4. Chapter 4

Detective Beckett didn't remember the drive to Castle's loft. Her thoughts were on what she was going to say when she got there. She had it all planned out. She would knock on the door, apologize profusely, explain herself, tell him how she felt, and beg his forgiveness. She walked past the doorman and gave him a slight nod.

The elevator could not go fast enough. She pushed the button impatiently.

"Come on." She muttered. Finally the door opened. She walked to his loft and knocked sharply three times. When the door opened, revealing the broken man, she forgot what she was going to say.

"I love you." The words spilled out of her mouth as she looked into his dull eyes.

"Excuse me?" castle was taken aback. He was so sure she didn't reciprocate his feelings and yet here she was. Saying _that._

"I mean it. And I'm sorry. So sorry. For the past month, I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did. And then it hit me. Actually somebody _told _me but that's not the point. Castle, I didn't want you to find out that way. I wanted to be able to sit down somewhere quiet where I could explain to you what I did and why you did it. Someplace where it would be okay for you to yell and scream and never forgive me. Ho-How did you find out?"

"Bobby Something. You were interrogating him the day of the bombing." She sat, trying to remember what she said. A small 'oh' escaped her lips. When she didn't say anything else, he took that as his cue to go on. "God Kate. I love you so much. The least you could have done was cluing me in on your feelings. I would have moved on. Or tried to anyways." Her eyes filled with tears.

Do you honestly believe that I don't love you?" she whispered.

"I know it. And it's okay. I'm just going to need some time." Kate shook her head.

"You stupid, stupid man. How could I not love you? You're my partner. You always have my back. You know how I take my coffee. You always make me laugh. It scares me how easy you can make me cry. When you smile, I smile." As if to prove her point, she smiled. Castle raised an eyebrow.

"Did you just quote a Justin Bieber song?" Kate blushed.

"It was on the radio when I came here. Besides. How would you know?" he raised his hands as if in defeat.

"Okay you win." Kate cleared her throat.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" Castle nodded. Her relief was short lived. "I understand that you're trying to make me feel better. I love you always. And you don't love me. That's fine. I'm fine."

"I love you."

"No you don't."

"I do."

"Stop saying that! I know you don't!" he yelled. Kate stood up angrily.

"Don't you dare tell me how I feel." She said, her voice cracking from pain and anger. "How could you even think that? After all we've been through. I thought that meant something. I told you why I wasn't ready for a relationship. I asked you to wait. I know it was unfair. But I did. And you said you would wait. When you showed up with a blonde bimbo hanging off your arm, listening to every other word, I was scared. So scared. And my fears were right. You've probably moved on. I just want you to know that I love you so much. Always. And I don't know if you love me-"

"Always." Castle interrupted.

"I'm ready, Castle." He answered her by crossing the room and wrapping her in his arms. He pressed his lips to her hair and he could feel her smile. He felt her pull away and he was scared that she was running. But she didn't. She just looked at him.

"You know, I was so scared that you were gone."

"Never." He whispered. Her eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips and he slowly lowered his lips to meet hers, not for the first time. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled against the kiss. When they pulled back, he kissed her cheek. They stayed, hugging each other until it got uncomfortable to stand. That's when Kate broke the comfortable silence.

"You know, Lanie probably already knows. And she's probably pissed at you."

"Which sounds nicer? Russia or Switzerland?" Kate laughed and he leaned down to kiss her again. Just before their lips met, the doorbell rand. Both pairs of eyes widened and they laugh nervously.

"I'll get it." Kate volunteered.

"That's so nice. Risking your life to save mine. You must really love me." He waggled his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Something like that." She kissed him and walked to the door.

"I'll just…be in the bathroom." He ran out of the room.

He was gone, but now he's back.

He'll always come back.

Always.


End file.
